God is pleased to dispense himself variously. But while
I fill up my mouth with prayers, they bring no comfort.
My words rattle against each other like the beech leaves
on a winter branch, and though a hard wind scours the
forest, it cannot free them from the bough; it will not lift
them upward into the wide white sky.
from: Caleb's Crossing
by: Geraldine Brooks
Do you know what song I keep hearing in my head over and over and over again?
"Jesus take the wheel...take it from my hands...I cant do this all alone..."
(Carrie Underwood right?)
Over and over...
But Im think'in He's not too interested.
Or, I guess its possible I just dont recognize Him or the direction He's having us go.
Then about a week ago BF Jude gave me a vignette she'd heard in church that Sunday. She thought of me when she listened to it and found me a copy.
A Tandem Ride With God
I used to think of God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die. He was out there, sort of like the President. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I didnt really know Him.
But later on, when I met Jesus, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Jesus was in the back helping me pedal. Ididnt know just when it was He suggested we change, but life has not been the same since I took the back seat to Jesus, my Lord. He makes life exciting. When I had control, I thought I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points.
But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places and at break-neck speeds; it was all I could do to hang on! Even though it often looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!" I was worried and anxious and asked, " Where are you taking me?" He laughed and didnt answer and I started to learn to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into adventure. And when I'd say, "Im scared." He'd lean back and touch my hand.
He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey, our journey, my Lord's and mine. And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away; they're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found in giving I receive, and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him, at first, in control of my life. I thought He'd wreck it, but He knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear rocks, fly to shorten scary passages. And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and Im beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, Jesus Christ.
And when Im sure I just cant do any more, He just smiles and says..."Pedal."
Im working on the trust and the enjoyment of this ride. Stay tuned.